Cleaned Refrigerators
by Chad Hyou
Summary: Short humor fic. Something is roaming the halls of MHHQ, eating all the food in sight. Flames accepted


Chad: The following story is one of the reasons I should've waited 30 minutes before watching t.v. after playing Rockman X4. I don't own that, or anything.  
  
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"ooo" = speech  
  
(ooo) = story  
  
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(12:30.)  
  
X: "*snore* and when I got back, Charlene and the hippo were gone. *snore*"  
  
*CRASH*  
  
(X rises out of bed and looks around.)  
  
X: "What was that?"  
  
*CRASH*  
  
(X hops out of bed and grabs his X buster from the floor. He slips it onto his arm and slowly walks towards the kitchen.)  
  
X: "Hm? Hello? Is someone there?"  
  
(Silence)  
  
*CRASH*  
  
(X freaks and slowly looks into the kitchen. Someone is inside his fridge. X jumps back)  
  
X: (worrying) "Oh no, and intruder, eating everything in my refridgerator! Without a plate! It's unsanitary!"  
  
(X looks back into the kitchen. The intruder has disappeared.)  
  
X: "???"  
  
(X tip-toes into the kitchen)  
  
*SLAM*  
  
X: "I'VE GOT AN X-BUSTER!!"  
  
(No one is there)  
  
X: "Eh heh heh."  
  
(Noise comes from inside the refridgerator)  
  
X: "Uh Oh"  
  
(X's hand slowly reaches for the handle. Three seconds after he grasped the handle, he opens the door. It bursts open.)  
  
X: "AAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!!"  
  
(X sees Double inside the fridge, chewing on a hot-dog)  
  
X: "Double? You scared the hell outta me! DO YOU KNOW WHAT TIME IT IS?!"  
  
(Double doesn't respond. He continues to eat everything in X's fridge)  
  
X: "Double?"  
  
(Double walks towards him. X points his buster at him)  
  
X: "D, DON'T MAKE ME USE THIS!!"  
  
(Double bites the front off X's buster and swallows it.)  
  
X: "You ate my X-buster. DOUBLE!! Do you have any idea how important this thing I~"  
  
(Double grabs the rest of X's food and begins to walk away.)  
  
X: "Hold it right there Rookie! STOP! What are you doing with all my food?! It's gonna spoil!"  
  
(Double walks out the front door)  
  
X: "Double! You come back here and close this refrigerator door!"  
  
(Double walks out of sight)  
  
X: "DOUBLE! Aw man, I better get help."  
  
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(X walks through the halls of hunter HQ. He stops in front of Zero's door)  
  
*Knock Knock*  
  
X: (Whispering) "Zero. Zero?"  
  
(X pushes the button on the intercom.)  
  
X: "Zero, we got an emergency! It's Double!"  
  
(After X knocks again, a half-dressed, half-awake Zero opens the door)  
  
Zero: "Who turned off the sun?"  
  
X: "Good! Your awake! We got a problem Zero! Double was in my kitchen, my refrigerator, not that that's different than any other day, but it was late ya see, and I like to get 5 hours of sleep so I can greet the day and shoot maverick's heads off, but Double was eating, has eaten, and has taken all my food! Do you hear me Zero?! Double. Is. Sleepwalking!"  
  
(Long pause)  
  
Zero: *Yawn*  
  
(A scream comes from inside Zero's quarters. Double walks out the door with food in tow)  
  
Zero: "? What's he doing with all my food?"  
  
X: "Doubles like a swarm of flies ready to purge the Base and everyone in it of there food!"  
  
(Zero looks at X)  
  
Zero: "X, you scare me when you talk like that. We better see what he's up to. You follow him, I'll be right there!"  
  
X: "Right!"  
  
(X runs off. Zero runs back into his room. Iris is scared stiff in his bed, shaking under the covers)  
  
Zero: "You all right Iris?"  
  
Iris: "Zero! Some, some, THING just walked out with all the food in the refrigerator!"  
  
Zero: "That was Double, he's sleepwalking through the base eating everything in sight. Get dressed, we gotta follow him!"  
  
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(Outside Alia's room. X, Zero, and Iris wait.)  
  
Iris: "Are you sure he went in there?"  
  
X: "Positive. Hey Iris, what were you doing in Zero's room anyway?"  
  
Zero & Iris: "Erm."  
  
*SLAM*  
  
(Double bursts through the door carrying Alia's refrigerator in the air. He opens it and swallows everything. X and Iris watch in awe while Zero laughs)  
  
Zero: "WOO HOO! MAN! Tell me I wasn't dreaming! He scarfed the whole fridge! AH HA HA HA!"  
  
X: "Shhh!"  
  
(Double walks into Middy's room. X, Zero, and Iris watch through the doorway as he opens the refrigerator and begins to eat EVERYTHING)  
  
Iris: "I hope he doesn't wake Middy."  
  
X: "This is not good!"  
  
(Zero pulls them back into chairs viewing the door)  
  
Zero: "This is rich you guys! Relax! We got seats, front-row center to the greatest show on earth!"  
  
(X and Iris sigh. Zero begins eating popcorn)  
  
X: "Hey, you gonna share that?"  
  
(An hour later, Double has cleaned out the fridge. He begins juggling the lasts few apples with great skill, before catching them in his mouth.)  
  
X: *claps*  
  
Iris: "That was really good."  
  
Zero: "Man, I can't figure out where this guy's putting everything!"  
  
*SLAM*  
  
Zero: "Huh?"  
  
(Double has disappeared, leaving the empty refridgerator on the floor)  
  
Zero: "Where'd he go?"  
  
(Middy is asleep in bed. He rises up and begins to gag)  
  
Middy: "HOLY HECK! What's the horrible smell?!"  
  
(A shadow looms over Middy's bed)  
  
Middy: "Santa Claus?"  
  
(X and the others inspect the kitchen)  
  
Iris: "Do you think Double might have swallowed himself?"  
  
Middy: "HELP! HELP!"  
  
(Everyone runs to Middy's room. Zero opens the door. Double is attempting to swallow Middy whole)  
  
Middy: "Saliva! Yuck! Germs!!"  
  
(Everyone gasps and Zero closes the door)  
  
X: "Whoa."  
  
Zero: "I've seen a lot of things in my life, but that's just wrong."  
  
Iris: "I'm terrified beyond reason! I can't look!"  
  
(Zero slowly opens the door again. Middy is unconscious on the ground, covered in drool. Double is gone)  
  
X: "He spit Middy back out!"  
  
Iris: "Whew."  
  
Zero: "Come on guys! I don't wanna miss this guy getting heartburn!"  
  
(The gang runs into the hall and finds garbage all over the floor)  
  
Iris: "Look! Double probably ate the base out of house n' home!"  
  
X: "Man, sleepwalking and eating everyone's food is one thing, but LITTERING?!"  
  
Zero: "Come on guys, this trail should lead us right to him!"  
  
(They follow the trial of garbage back to Double room. They slowly walk into the place. Food is everywhere)  
  
Zero: "Check it out guys."  
  
(Zero slips on a puddle of milk and crashes into a nearby sofa)  
  
Iris: "Zero! Are you all right?!"  
  
Zero: (Holds up a roast duck) "HAH! Finders keepers!!"  
  
X: "Um, Zero?" (Points to something)  
  
Zero: "What?" (Looks to what X is pointing at, and tries not to laugh.)  
  
(Double lies on his bed like a slob, surrounded with various food from around the base. Zero explodes with laughter)  
  
X: "Ya know, Double looks quite content among all that food."  
  
Zero: (gasps for air) "Yeah, like Duff McWhalen washed up on shore." (Walks up to Double) "Aw, he looks so natural. Double? Double? (Grabs Double by the neck and shakes him) "WAKE UP SNOW WHITE!!!"  
  
(Double opens his eyes and looks around)  
  
Double: "Hiya Guys!"  
  
X: "Double, do you know that you walk in your sleep, and that you have consumed everything within a 15-mile radius of your bed?"  
  
(Double falls onto his stomach and begins crawling on it)  
  
Double: "Not only that, but it fells as though I have consumed all the food within a 15-mile radius of my bed."  
  
Iris: "Don't you remember anything?!"  
  
Zero: (munching on the roast duck) "You were great! You ate everything, even Middy!"  
  
(Double's eyes bulge as his stomach growls)  
  
Double: "OH NO! MIDDY! SPEAK TO ME!" (Shakes his stomach) "Guys, help me!"  
  
Zero: "Ah don't worry, we'll sleep-over to keep an eye on you." (walks toward the closet and opens it) "Got any extra blanke~ AAAAHHHHHH!" (Zero is buried by and avalanche of food)  
  
X: "Heh heh."  
  
(Double's stomach growls)  
  
Double: "Come on Middy, time for bed."  
  
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(Double is asleep, chained to the bed. X sleeps on the floor. Zero sleeps on the sofa with Iris. Suddenly, Double stands up and begins to sleepwalk out the door with the mattress strapped to his back. X wakes up)  
  
X: "Huh? O.O GUYS WAKE UP!! Double's walking in his sleep again!"  
  
(Double walks out the door as the mattress breaks off his back. The others follow, but lose sight of him)  
  
Zero: "Man, how can he be so big and quick?!"  
  
Iris: "He's heading for the balcony guys!"  
  
(Double heads for the end of the balcony, and certain doom. He falls off the side and plummets to the ground. The others run to the edge and watch as he falls into the fountain. He then begins to scale the statue, heading for the stone apple in it's hands)  
  
Zero: "HA HA! Thataboy Double!"  
  
(Double reaches the apple and breaks it off the statue's hands. He swallows it in one gulp, and begins to walk towards the mess hall. X and Iris watch and Zero laughs his head off)  
  
Zero: "Haw, that big guys crackin' me up!"  
  
Iris: "What are we gonna do?"  
  
X: "Hmm, I think I know a way to lure him back!"  
  
Zero: "Why?"  
  
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(Double proceeds to clear out the mess hall. He then unconsciously spots a pizza on the ground. He reaches for it, but it jumps back. He follows it out the mess hall and back up the stairs. Upstairs, X reels the pizza in with a fishing rod as Zero and Iris watch)  
  
X: "I saw this on t.v."  
  
Zero: "You must be a riot at parties X."  
  
(As Double draws closer, the group walks into his room. Following the pizza, Double walks into his room, only to get stuck in the doorway)  
  
X: "Uh oh. Iris, hold onto this for a second. Come on Zero."  
  
(X and Zero grab Double by the legs and try to pull him in. They pull as hard as possible, but it doesn't help)  
  
Zero: "ERG. IS. IT. ME. OR. HAS THIS GUY. GOTTEN. BIGGER?!"  
  
(After several minutes of pulling, Double is lodged in the doorway, and X and Zero are out of strength)  
  
X: "Well, at least he's not going anywhere else tonight."  
  
Zero: "Yeah, let's get back to bed."  
  
Iris: "Um, boys, we got a problem."  
  
X: "What now?"  
  
Iris: "There's only door out of this place."  
  
(X and Zero sweatdrop. Double is blocking the only way out)  
  
Zero: "WE'RE TRAPPED DAMMIT!"  
  
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(11:00 AM)  
  
(Working crews are trying to take Double's door apart. Alia and Douglas oversee the worksite. Both rubbing their stomachs. They hadn't eaten. Neither had anyone else)  
  
Alia: "Oh, I can't wait to hear this one."  
  
Douglas: "Don't worry guys, we'll get you outta there!"  
  
Alia: "You can talk Double's backside all you want. I'm going out for breakfast."  
  
(Inside, X plays solitaire while Zero and Iris snuggle on the sofa. All three grumble as they wait for Double to be dislodged from the door. X reaches in a random spot on the floor and pulls up a sandwich)  
  
X: " "Sigh" Well, at least we won't starve."  
  
Zero: "Man, why do we have to be stuck in here with you?!"  
  
X: "Zero, Double can't hear you, he's still sleeping."  
  
Zero: "I was talking to you."  
  
X: "What's that supposed to mean?!"  
  
Zero: "Nothing."  
  
END  
  
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End file.
